


In The Land Of Broken And Despaired

by Lire_Casander



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, talking objects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander





	In The Land Of Broken And Despaired

_****_

_**Through Lily's eyes** _

_He has been here for only Merlin knows how long, his eyelids falling shut although he tries to fight against slumber. I watch him as he watches the pale boy on the bed, day after day, from the very same moment of the accident, and that was nearly a week ago. I wish I could help him, but I cannot find it in my Hufflepuff soul a shred of Ravenclaw wisdom. All I can do is sit and wait with him. Sit and wait for a miracle._

_We both know better than to lose the last bit of hope we have left._

The Hogwarts Express was gingerly waiting in Platform 9 ¾ for the students to board it. Albus Potter watched around him while his mother made a failed attempt at fixing his attire by smoothing the front of his shirt. "I don't see him," he complained.

"Seriously, Al, can't you wait until the train is off to Hogwarts to look for your friend, whom you have last seen less than a week ago?" James admonished him, his voice turning a bit serious.

"Could you stop talking like Uncle Percy and help me?" Lily asked from behind Albus. "Sweet Merlin, do they teach you to use pompous words at the Ministry?"

"Lily, language!" Ginny warned her. "If your father hears you swearing---"

"It _wasn't_ swearing!" she protested.

"Oh, Lily, but using Merlin's name in vain is so not on," James took part, all the while carrying her trunk inside the train.

"Mom!"

Albus suppressed a chuckle, while their mother scowled at his siblings. "You two, stop it now. James, you came here to help, so lend a hand to your sister. And Al, your brother is right, it hasn't even been a week since Scorpius went back to his home after spending almost a month with us. You should enjoy this moment, as it's the last trip to Hogwarts of your life. Scorp will be here any moment."

"I know, Mom, but I'm worried. Scorp told me what his father wanted him to do and I can't help but wonder..."

"Whether he may have already sent me to France?" finished the sentence a voice at his back. "Not in a million years, I wouldn't miss out on our Seventh Year!"

Al turned around to face Scorpius Malfoy, tall and slender, smiling at him. "Scorp!" he exclaimed, forgetting about his mother's efforts and throwing himself towards Scorpius. "I've missed you! You haven't owled me!"

"Well, I've been busy trying to balance my life between my father's desire of getting rid of me and my own willingness to stay," he explained.

"See? He is as much a snob as James!" Lily cried out. "Why is it that I have to be surrounded by little big heads?"

"One would say your father was plotting to kick you out, Scorpius," Ginny admonished, giving in to temptation and tucking one of the blond tufts behind his ear. "That's better. Your father tries to be a good parent."

"Aren't I?" Draco Malfoy questioned with his most serious voice. "What lies have you been telling now, Scorpius?" he continued in a joking tone.

"Dad!"

"Ginevra," Draco greeted, acknowledging the woman's presence by the children. "Isn't your husband here with you today? I hadn't thought he'd be one to miss his child's last trip to Hogwarts."

"He is busy with Ron, talking about Quidditch, or something equally boring, right there," Hermione Weasley interrupted, coming from the place she was pointing at. "They should join us in about ten minutes or so."

"Discussing new techniques?" James demanded. "Dad _loves_ that aspect of the sport."

"No, it's worse," Hermione related. "They're talking about the Cannons' expectations to win the National League."

"Don't get started with Quidditch, or I think I'll throw up," Scorpius intervened. "If Albus hears a word about it, I won't hear the end of it!"

"Scorp likes less dangerous activities," Albus teased. "Like reading a Muggle book at night under candlelight."

"Al, please!" Scorpius feigned being scandalized. "That was a secret!"

"As secret as your fondness of all things Muggle, then," Lily participated. Everyone laughed and Draco snorted, though the sound was suffocated by the train whistling, announcing the immediate departure. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley hurried to catch their families; they both nodded curtly to Draco, and he returned the gesture. Not even years of suffering their sons' friendship had eased the relationship between the hero and the fallen angel, as the papers had referred to Harry and Draco after the war neither of their children had been forced to live through.

Albus and Scorpius didn't waste time in their farewells. They just jumped inside the train and waited for Lily, Rose and Hugo to step in after hugging the adults and promising to behave. "We'll write!" Albus assured his mother, who was staring at him sternly. "First thing in the morning, you'll have Lil Hedwig picking at the window!"

"You still call your owl _Lil Hedwig_?" Scorpius laughed, flopping onto the seat on the compartment they shared with the younger kids. "I thought we had agreed this summer that you were too old for that."

Albus made a face, sticking his tongue out. "You decided that. I love to call her my Lil Hedwig," he stated, petting the white eagle owl through the bars of her cage. "She is almost as beautiful as Dad's own owl, from what I've seen in some pictures. So why not name her after the first Hedwig?"

Scorpius shook his head, defeated, and set up for a peaceful trip. Albus and he talked about everything they had missed in the few days they hadn't seen each other - about Albus' parents wanting him to go to a Muggle University in Cambridge, about Scorpius' father already planning his son's departure to France after that last year at Hogwarts. They both feared the end of their last year at school would be also the end of the world as they knew it. Neither voiced it, but they had the feeling that long-distance friendships were difficult to keep.

The sight of Hogwarts from the carriages, majestic as always, took the breath away from Albus as they approached the castle. Scorpius, on his part, was filled with anticipation about the first night they would spend together in the study the Headmistress allowed the Seventh Years to sleep in. "No more sharing a room with Goyle, Zabini and Montague! A whole study, all for ourselves!" he cheered while his friend kissed his sister's forehead in a caring goodbye at the Great Hall, after dinner. "Can you believe it?" He pinched Albus' arm in excitement.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Al frowned. "But you are making it hard to even walk with you nearby; I don't think I'll get to our room ever!"

Scorpius faked anger, but the joke didn't last long. They laughed like kids all the way to the dungeons, where Slytherin Common Room and bedrooms were. Albus muttered the password and they entered, searching for their study, the last one in the cold corridor of the Seventh Years dungeon.

"We'll have our own heating system," Albus announced, shivering. "I don't know how I've survived all these years living underground, with this freezing cold."

"You had me to warm you a bit at night," Scorpius joked.

"Keep your queer hands off me!" Albus screeched as Scorpius tried to tickle him.

It was common knowledge that Scorpius Malfoy was gay. He had brilliantly come out of the closet in Fifth Year, when he had commented aloud about how fit one of the characters of an unknown Muggle film they were watching was, earning some jokes from his fellow Slytherins. Albus, on the other hand, had always supported him - he didn't mind his friend liking boys, as long as Scorpius remained the same Scorp that completed Al. As nothing had changed in Scorpius' personality, Albus had nothing to complain about. Except, probably, for the crush Scorpius had been harbouring on a wizard whose name Albus didn't know - it had been going on for years, and the mere thought of him left Scorp flushed and stuttering. Al wasn't sure he could deal with it every day when they were going to actually live together on their own, even if it was in a dungeon at Hogwarts.

Scorpius gave up tickling the middle Potter and proceeded to unpack. Whilst taking the last best seller of a Muggle author out of his trunk to deposit it on his bedside table, a white envelope with Scorpius' name written in bright green letters flew from the tome, landing on the floor of the cozy study. "What's that?" Albus asked curiously, bending on his waist to pick it from the ground.

"Don't open it!" Scorpius warned, blanching, but it was too late - his roommate had already gotten a folded sheet out of the envelope. "Don't read it, please."

"Why not?" Albus arched a brow. "What are you hiding from me, Scorp?"

"No---nothing," the blond stammered.

"You may resemble your father, but you're nothing like him," Albus said. "You cannot fake indifference nor can you lie without stuttering." He unfolded the sheet and read what seemed a letter. " _Dearest Scorp, I miss you like crazy, every moment of every day we spend apart_. "Who wrote this?" he demanded. "Who has the closeness to call you by the nickname only your beloved ones use?"

"I told you not to open it." Scorpius' voice sounded weary.

"But I did. It isn't even signed, Scorp. Who is this person?"

"My boyfriend, who I love like crazy." The words escaped the blond's mouth, and as they floated on the air, Scorpius blushed.

"You finally acted on your crush, then?" Albus winked at him. "And it worked, from what I see. Now you cannot refuse to introduce me to him."

"Al, don't start with that again, please. I'm too tired to have this conversation again."

"Why do you want to keep this for yourself, Scorp?" Albus demanded, suddenly feeling a bit left out. "I have always shared with you everything!"

"And I wish sometimes you hadn't!" Scorpius burst, turning around abruptly and facing his friend. "Do you think I liked to hear how you succeeded in every of your flings? Do you think I liked to hear you babble about Isadora, or Eleanor, or Lakshmi, for hours? I didn't, but I respected you! And when I ask you to respect my intimacy, you just blow it off!"

Albus looked at his friend, surprised. "Scorp, I didn't mean it that way. But we have never had secrets, and this one is just annoying me!"

"I don't care!" Scorpius was fuming, his cheeks red from anger and a feeling Albus couldn't quite place shining in his best friend's eyes. "This is one thing I need to keep to myself, the only thing I have that is mine!"

"Now you don't want to share it with me?" Albus sounded every bit of hurt as he felt. "Now we have secrets? Now you need your own space? Fine, have it your way!"

He ran past Scorpius, who didn't hinder his way, and stormed out of the room, scampering until he got out of the dungeons. Lost in the cold corridors that meandered around the castle, Albus found himself in front of the only door that could give him solace when he was low.

"Albus!" Neville Longbottom exclaimed astonished when he opened the door Albus had knocked on, taking in the disheveled appearance of the teenager. "What happened, kid? But get in, please!"

Albus did as told, staggering a bit while he stepped into the comfortable warmth of his sham uncle, sitting on a couch. "Scorp and I got in a fight," he uttered when Neville sat beside him in the same couch after having put a teapot to boil. "I don't even know how it all started, I just thought it was a teasing banter but then he got all defensive and I just... snapped."

"Just like your father," Neville smiled.

"I'm not like him!"

"Well, maybe not all the time, Albus, but believe me, you're more like him than you give yourself credit for. Harry used to snap too, though I think he borrowed the attitude from Ron. Anyway, can you tell me what Scorp and you were fighting about?"

Albus thought about it - about the beginning of their last year together, about the excitement of being finally alone, about the turning of the events. "I don't think so. Scorp would get mad at me, he said that it was private. That was what set it all off, I guess. He said he needed privacy, and I decided to give him some."

Neville chuckled, his hand lifting to pet his godson's head. "Maybe you should apologize?"

"Only when he apologizes to me!" Albus stated. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Then why are you here sulking?" Neville smiled softly. The teapot whistled and he got up to take it off the fire. "Fancy some tea, Albus?"

"That would be great, thanks, Uncle Neville."

The teacher sat again beside the teenager and sighed when Albus took the cup with shaky hands. Neville didn't know how to deal with teen problems - he hadn't even known in his own teenage years - but his years' worth experience teaching had given him enough skills to face this situation and get out of it gracefully. "I would recommend you go back to your dorm and express your regret about what has happened. I'm sure Scorpius would appreciate the gesture."

"Do you think so?" There was a hint of hope in Albus' voice. "And everything will be okay afterwards?"

"Albus, that depends on you and Scorpius, not on what an old teacher has to say," Neville laughed. "Now, back to your room, it's well past curfew. I'll see you tomorrow in class."

"Uncle Neville, tomorrow we don't have Herbology, at least the Slytherin Seventh Years," Albus pointed out.

"Hasn't the Headmistress told the students?" Neville marveled. "Professor Slughorn won't be able to teach the first Potions class of the year due to an illness, and Professor McGonagall asked me to cover for it."

"You teaching Potions?" Albus repressed the laughter forming in the back of his throat. "Do you need any help?"

"May I remind you I am the teacher here?" Neville joked along with his godson. "Professor Slughorn has already told me what to brew tomorrow, and I have it all under control. Please remember that I am the teacher and you are the student when we start classes tomorrow morning, Albus. I know it's difficult after a whole summer, but it is necessary. I don't want to repeat last year's events."

Albus blushed at the mention of the first Herbology class of his Sixth Year, when, after a particularly tough reprimand from Neville, Albus had retaliated earning himself a week worth of detentions. "I will behave, Uncle. Thanks for the tea, and for the advice."

"Let me know how this affair ends, which I hopefully expect for it to end fine."

Albus smiled at his uncle before the door closed; he walked down the path to the Slytherin dungeons with heavy steps. He reached the door of the room Scorpius and he shared, only to find it locked from the inside. Hurt, he fought the tears that threatened to burn his retinas and backed to the Common Room, where he conjured a blanket and a pillow. He lay down on one of the couches and covered himself with the coverlet, closing his eyes.

He had never felt so lost in his whole life, and he didn't even understand why this fight meant more for him than any other had in the past.

_****_

_**Behind Draco's Words** _

_And this child is still here, straining his neck to see if there's any change, tiring his eyes and his very soul in this waiting we are all forced to do. Potter is just across this disinfected room we occupy ever since the accident. We don't talk, we just stare at each other. We are not friends, we never were and we will never be, but still we are here, looking at our children slowly fading away. There is no way to wake up the sleeping, there is no way to ease the pain of those awake._

_There's just hurting, and the faint certainty that nothing will ever be the same. I may lose my only son, and Potter may lose his middle one._

_For once in our lives, we have the same reason to fight together._

"... the misuse of this potion can be very dangerous," Neville was saying to the class, but Albus wasn't paying any attention. His mind wandered back to the previous night, to the row Scorpius and he had had, to the words he shouldn't have spoken. He didn't dare to look at his best friend, full of shame and guilt, but he was too proud to apologise. Instead, he kept on chopping ingredients to add to the bubbling substance in his cauldron.

Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Scorpius adding some feathers to his potion, but Al didn't say a thing. They were supposed to add the feathers at the end and not in between; Albus didn't expect his friend to be aware of that fact, for Scorpius hadn't inherited his father's abilities in brewing. Albus focused his attention once again in his desk and his ingredients; so engrossed in his task was he that he completely missed Neville warning the students about placing the ingredients in the right order. His mind replayed over and over the fight, the hatred that seemed to emanate from Scorpius, the stupidity of his own behavior.

He cut ginger root swiftly, shaking his head as he tried to understand why it made him so angry to know that Scorpius had come back to Hogwarts leaving a boyfriend behind. Surely it wasn't about his friend's sexuality - he had known for years and hadn't had a problem with it. _Then what is it?_ he wondered, stepping away from his cauldron to allow the teacher to have a look at it. _Maybe it's that now I know I have to share Scorp's attention with someone else, and I am not really used to it. It's always been him and me, and I don't want that to change_. Frowning at the evidence in his own mind, he decided to make it up to Scorpius - Albus had no right to keep the blond to himself.

"Well, it's almost the end of the class," Neville announced. "Please put the vials with your potions on the table, so I can take them to Professor Slughorn when he is back."

Albus obeyed diligently, followed by some of his classmates. Scorpius remained at the back of the classroom, fighting against his own potion. Just when Albus turned around to go to his cauldron and gather his things, he watched Scorpius distractedly stirring the substance in the cauldron before taking some out, and he anticipated what was going to happen, yet he was unable to stop it.

As Scorpius bent slightly over his cauldron, a fuzzy sound warned everyone but him. Then, all of a sudden, all hell broke loose with an explosion that barreled the desks before Scorpius'. Albus got thrown against the teacher's table, such was the intensity of the blast. Everything was covered by a dusty green gas, for a moment or two before it cleared; Albus squinted to see past the smoke, and what he saw left him cold against the wood.

Scorpius was on the floor, sprawled on his back, his wand still clutched in his hand, a dark mark already forming on his left temple, on the side he had fallen onto. His eyes were unfocused, looking at some invisible point in the ceiling. Albus rushed toward him, not minding the green goo on the floor until he could kneel beside his friend. He didn't dare to touch Scorpius, as he didn't know whether he had internal injuries.

"Scorp?" he muttered, softly poking a pale hand. "Scorp, are you alright?" He grew frantic at the lack of response, trembling in fear and sudden desperation. He didn't even notice Neville ordering some student to go for Madam Pomfrey, nor the teacher kneeling as well at the other side of Scorpius' body. He didn't see anything but pale grey eyes. He repressed the need to shake the body on the floor, though it would have been to no avail.

Scorpius was unconscious.

_****_

_**From James' Heart** _

_He opens his eyes with a start and looks around, as though ashamed of having fallen asleep. He doesn't see me in this corner I'm hiding in, under Dad's Invisibility Cloak. It's weird, to see him this small, hopelessly crying without tears. I feel impotent as he checks on the body beside him, only to find not a single change._

_Under this snobbish appearance I like to wear lies a heart that wishes I could help him somehow, but I don't know how, and that is what is making everything just harder._

The light entered the room, illuminating the pale face lying on the pillows. Albus blinked to scare away the slumber while attempting to stretch his stiff muscles. He didn't notice the figures looking at them both from different places in the room - the dark haired man leaning on the doorframe, the Invisibility Cloak slipping off a boy sitting on the window-sill, the girl hugging her knees on the floor, the blond man staring at his hands in a despaired gesture, right at the other side of the bed. Albus only had eyes for the fragile body sleeping on it, eyes closed in an eternal unconsciousness.

It had been roughly a week since the accident, and Slughorn had finally finished brewing the counter potion the night before. Albus remembered the discussion Uncle Neville and Slughorn had had barely twelve hours before about the best moment to try it. He was too tired, too hopeless, almost believing there was no solution for his friend.

"Albus," he heard somewhere behind him, but he was too exhausted to turn around. "Albus, you should get some rest."

He just shook his head. He couldn't articulate any word for fear the knot in his throat would clench until suffocating him.

"Albus, please," he heard his brother's voice. "You should give it some time, sleep a bit, go back to your classes."

He sighed. "I will, once he wakes up."

The door opened just when Draco Malfoy, sitting at the other side of Scorpius' bed, opened his mouth to say something, allowing entrance to Slughorn and Neville. "Hello, everybody," Neville greeted brightly, while Slughorn just mumbled. "We've got the perfect solution for this."

"Finally," Draco breathed. "I don't think I could stand any more of this," he continued, gesturing towards the hospital bed where his son lay.

"This," Neville explained, showing a vial full of blueish substance, "is the counter potion of the one that caused Scorpius to remain unconscious for a week. Horace has been brewing for days now, and it seems this one will work."

"So, what is it that we have to do?" Albus demanded, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "Make him drink it and he'll wake up?"

"It's necessary that someone he loves recites the charm as I make him drink the beverage," Slughorn explicated.

"That can be me," Draco stepped forward. "No one can deny my love for my son."

"It has to be someone he loves in a romantic way," Neville tried to make it clear. "The ancient spell we're going to use states it almost transparently."

"Maybe you can call his boyfriend," Albus interrupted, his voice hoarse, while rubbing the slumber off his eyes. "He told me he loved that boy with all his heart."

He could hear the sound of something crashing on the floor, and looked up to see Draco Malfoy staring at him agape, his cane rebounding on the ground.

_****_

_**In Harry's Silence** _

_How can I talk to him, when I cannot find words? I see him in his chair beside that bed, just as he has been these past days, falling apart. It's strange, being in the same room as him and not having anything to talk about. I thought I was a good father, that I always knew what to say, but now I'm out of words, and it scares me. If he loses his best friend, he may lose himself in the process. But I can only stand by his side come what may._

"I would have known if my son had a boyfriend," Draco stated.

"He may have kept it from you," Slughorn said. "It's one of those things a boy hides from his parents, and more so if said boy is gay."

"But Scorpius doesn't have any secrets with me," Draco insisted. "When he was twelve, he asked me to take an Unbreakable Vow with him, right after Asteria's death."

"A vow not to keep the truth from each other," Albus supplied. "He told me. He had been so upset when he found out he had been lied to about his mother's health..."

"Right. So, had he had a life partner, he would have told me."

Albus frowned. "But he wouldn't have lied to me, I'm sure of it. And I think I can prove it." He didn't wait for any response; he waltzed out of the room, followed closely by his siblings - James started running shortly after understanding his father's nod in the door's direction. They walked through the corridors until the statue signaling Slytherin entrance. Albus turned around to face Lily and James. "You cannot tell anybody the password, especially you, Lils. No one." She nodded impatiently and waited for Albus to open the door. They rushed to Albus and Scorpius' study, benefiting from the silence of everyone being at class. Once inside the room, Albus reached his friend's trunk and muttered another password.

"Wait, Scorpius has a password on his stuff?" Lily asked, surprised. "And you know it?"

"Of course! It's very simple," Albus explained. "The trunk wouldn't have opened if Scorpius had been awake. This unlocking spell only activates when something grave happens, and I think the situation qualifies as serious."

"Well, it is, isn't it?" James said as Lily knelt beside Albus, who was already rummaging through Scorpiu's trunk. "You surely are _not_ expecting me to snoop into his things, right?"

"James, quit being a pain! Why are you here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be licking the Minister's arse or something?" Albus scolded.

"Dad told me to take care of you two!" James defended himself. "And I'm not some arse-licker, Al. I do worry about you, and when Lily wrote saying Scorp had had an accident, I took a leave and came here! But that doesn't mean I'm going to search among his personal effects!"

Albus considered his brother's words for a second, realizing that underneath the rivalry that seemed to define their relationship, there were dregs of fraternal love. "If you're not going to help us, at least be quiet!" he managed to admonish half-heartedly.

"What are we looking for?" Lily asked.

"Pictures, his diary... I know there's at least one love letter, he showed me."

"Isn't that a bit trespassing the limits, Al? He might be your best friend, but he has a right to have some intimacy." Her words led to a tense silence - Albus stared at Lily and understood she wasn't at all keen on his methods. However, he took out of the trunk some innocent stuff - text books, quills, ink and a couple of teen wizard magazines. They reached the bottom of the trunk a few moments later, and, with it, a small, unlabelled notebook. Albus traced the patterns on the cover with one trembling finger. "This is his diary; I've seen him scribbling here every evening for the past seven years."

He opened the notebook, finding all the pages blank. He blinked at the lack of words. "There's nothing written in it," he said, confused.

"Maybe it is the same as the diary Dad found on his Second Year, except for the whole dark wizard thing," James attempted to explain.

Albus remembered the tale of Tom Riddle's lost diary that his father had told them all the first year of their education at Hogwarts. Sighing, he made to close the notebook, but Lily stopped him by putting a warm hand on his forearm. "Try it," she said. "Try writing something, to see if it needs some kind of access."

"I don't have a quill with me," Albus said tiredly. "Even if I had one, maybe we'd need special ink or even a specific quill."

Lily scoffed at the ease with which Albus was about to give up. She looked up at James for some support, but the oldest of the Potter siblings didn't provide any help. Shaking her head, she searched through the things they had already inspected until she found a quill and some black ink. "Take it," she said. "Write something, and we'll see what it replies."

Albus took the quill with doubtful hands and stared at the blank diary. With a determined sigh, he dipped the quill in black ink and let it drop for a second before applying the tip to the page.

 _Hello, I'm Albus_ , he wrote, not really expecting a reply.

 _Hello, Albus, how did you find me?_ the diary wrote back.

"What the hell?!" he screeched at the notebook. "Do you see it?"

Lily nodded, and even James had to agree. The older of them had joined them in their kneeling position and was peeking at the notebook from Albus' left. "We've seen it, Al, now please reply!"

The green-eyed teenager glared at his brother but decided to obey. _I was looking through Scorp's-your things._

_Why?_

_Because you're unconscious in a hospital bed due to a class accident_ , Albus explained, his heart clenching at the mere thought of his best friend never waking up again. _I am trying to find the name of your boyfriend so I can owl him and make him come to Hogwarts._

 _Why?_ the diary asked. _Why would I tell you that name?_

_Because it would help awaken you._

_Then I will grant you access_ , the diary finally wrote after a while. _Whatever it takes to help my human form to recover._

Then, before their three pairs of eyes, Scorpius' handwriting unfolded, messy and scribbling sometimes, organized and neat some others. Albus scanned quickly the entries, classified by dates taking the reader back to the first day of Scorpius at Hogwarts.

_**September 1st, 2017**  
I have been sorted in Slytherin, as well as that Potter boy... Albus, I think it's his name. He seems quite nice, and as Dad told me to behave and make friends, I don't see what's wrong about friending a Potter. I know Dad didn't like the Saviour, but he didn't say anything about his son._

_[...]_

_**December 23rd, 2020** _

_This is it. I cannot take it anymore. He is just driving me crazy! Did he have to leave the Yule Ball showing off with that Ravenclaw girlfriend of his? Seriously, as if I hadn't noticed! First thing in the morning, I'm going to tell him to stop it. I know he likes the girl, I know he thinks she's amazing, but he doesn't need to rub it in my face._

_If only I had the guts to confess to him that I like boys, everything will be easier, and he won't urge me to find a girl to snog senseless._

_[...]_

_**October 5th, 2021** _

_I said it. I can't believe I was stupid enough to actually say it. We were watching_ Pride and Prejudice _and I said out loud that I found the main actor cute. Cute?! How bad is it? Now I'm outed to the whole school! Well, maybe just for the Slytherins, but Kylie Nott was there too, and if anything, he inherited his mother's big mouth. Tomorrow morning, everyone will know._

_At least Albus seems fine with it. And that's all that matters._

[...]

**_May 18th, 2023_**

_I can't believe what's happening. I simply can't understand it... Wasn't I going to look for a boyfriend and stop this nonsense? I have no chance with him, when did I ever fall for him? Knowing he is straight is bad enough, but he has to share with me his nightly escapades with Camilla Guthrie. No, no, no! I have to stop thinking about him, right now._

_I guess it can't be done overnight..._

[...]

**_August 31st, 2023_**

_This is the last time I'll ever write about him. I need to take him out of my head, so this will be it. No more whining about him, no more wishing he'd notice me. I've even written a love letter to myself, pretending it to be from a lover I met this summer. Said lover does not exist, of course - how could he, when all I can think about is him?_

_I cannot live with this. I am almost desiring that this year ends so I can go to France and get away from this hell. But then, I don't want to leave his side. He is the air I breathe, and the beating of my heart, the reason why I wake up every morning. But he will never be mine, and I simply cannot stand it. I need to get away._

_But I will always love Albus._

The diary remained unwritten after that last entry, dated the day before starting Hogwarts. Albus shook his head to clear it from the numbness he felt. "I'm too tired for this," he mumbled.

"Al, we've found out who he loves!" Lily said excitedly. "Now you can wake him up and be the hero!"

"The hero?" Albus asked skeptically. "I'm the one he's been suffering for years, and now you want me to play the hero? How could I, when I've made him miserable?"

"All is fair in love and war," James sentenced. "Maybe Scorpius was too blind to actually see."

"To see what?" Albus screeched. "We fought because of that stupid letter the night before the accident! It's solely my fault, James! How can I pretend to save him?"

James observed his brother for long moments, while Albus rocked back and forth on his ankles, staring wordlessly at the blank notebook. "Why did you fight, once again?" he asked softly.

"That damned letter slipped off to the floor, and I took it and read the first words..." Albus cringed. "I think I grew jealous, or something..."

"Why would you be jealous?" Lily wondered. "You should have been happy he was dating someone. Now you could have shared confidences about your partners!"

"Maybe Albus didn't want to hear Scorpius' confidences," James argued, still watching his brother closely. "Maybe Albus didn't like the fact that Scorpius was with someone else."

"Of course I didn't!" Albus exclaimed. "He was... is... mine! My best friend! I couldn't lose him to some stranger!"

"But that stranger doesn't exist, Al. Scorpius wished it was you. How do you feel now?" James insisted.

"I... I don't know," Albus confessed. "I think I'm... relieved."

"Why?" Lily questioned, finally understanding where her eldest brother wanted to lead the conversation.

"He is still mine..." Albus recalled the first time he saw Camilla, almost a year before, with her long blond hair and her almost silvery eyes. He had thought she looked exactly like... "Holy shit! Can it be...?" He stood up unexpectedly, and headed for the door, the diary still in his hands.

"Where are you going? Albus!" Lily yelled after him, but when her brother disappeared through the door, she stood up as well and tugged at James' sleeve. "How did you know, James?"

"It was pretty obvious, Lils. I may not be the perfect brother, but I do know him."

"Talking about... We have to follow him!"

They both started a hasty run after their middle brother, not wanting to miss the next step.

_****_

_**Inside Al's Head** _

_You are there, not noticing the revolving movement around you, and I am here, feeling every small breeze blowing through the open window. While you lay unconscious, I feel the ground under my feet opening and swallowing me whole. Without you, for me it is the end of the world, and though I'd go there for you at any moment it is not the place I want to stand right now, all alone._

_I don't know how to bring you back with me again. I don't know how to make things right again. I don't know how to face a world without you._

_I don't know how to heal my broken heart._

"I will do it," Albus announced, startling the adults waiting for them in the hospital wing. "It will be enough, I'm sure."

Draco smiled warmly at him, and placed a hand on his arm when the teenager neared him. "You finally figured it out," he said.

"Took me a while, but... I think it's mutual, sir."

"Let's wait until he wakes up," Draco advised.

Albus took the parchment Neville was handing to him, not wanting to meet his father's eyes until the ceremony ended. It was already difficult to accept that maybe he had been drowning his true feelings with random blondes, he didn't think he was prepared to confront his father about it too.

"What do I need to do?"

"Just read the Latin, Albus," Neville indicated.

He did as told, the strange words falling from his lips as he wished the treatment would work and he would have Scorpius back at the end. His heart pounded hard in his chest, his breathing ragged, as Slughorn slipped the potion down his best friend's throat. Tense moments came and went, and nothing happened. Albus felt how his soul started to wail deep inside of him, just before a cough from the bed gave him hope.

Scorpius was coughing violently, convulsing on the bed, without opening his eyes. Albus turned his eyes to the door, where a breathless James nodded towards him. "Thanks," he mouthed, then turned to the adults in the room. "Is he awakening?" he whispered.

"Al?" they all heard, a soft murmur, almost inaudible. "Al, are you here?"

"Yes, yes, Scorp, it's me," Albus knelt beside the bed and took Scorpius' left hand in his. "Can you open your eyes?"

"I guess I can..." the boy half opened one of his eyelids, only to close it immediately. "Too bright..."

"Don't worry, you will adapt to the light. Do you remember what happened?"

James silently entered the room and patted his father's arm, signaling the door. Wordlessly, Harry followed his son out of the room, tagged along by Draco, Slughorn and Neville, leaving the boys alone. Lily softly closed the door behind them.

"No," Scorpius muttered. "I only remember you and I fighting."

"You had an accident in Potions, while Neville was giving the lesson. You've been a week unconscious."

"That long?"

"Scorp... I've had to read your diary," Albus admitted. "I'm sorry, I really didn't want to, but you didn't wake up and they said... I'm so sorry..."

"So now you know," Scorpius said, voice flat. "Why are you still here?"

Albus bit his lip, chewing on it for a second or two. He wasn't even sure if what he felt was real or it was a product of his own vivid imagination. But right then, looking at a small Scorpius lying on a bed, eyes closed and pale cheeks, those red lips full and claiming to be taken, Albus decided that, if it was only his imagination, he would take the fall.

He leant in slowly, always caressing the hand he had captured, and breathed almost on Scorpius' lips. "Because I have just discovered how much you really mean to me," he whispered. "Because without you my world will end."

Scorpius managed to open his eyes to find Albus right over him, his impossibly green eyes bright and glistening with unshed tears. "Really?"

"Let me show you," Albus sighed, claiming those lips that were taunting him in a searing kiss that stopped the revolving movement of the Earth underneath their feet, that opened a hole in Albus' heart which asked to be filled of Scorpius' very essence, that lifted them to a place where mysteries and lies didn't exist, where the truth of feelings was stronger than any social imposition.

They didn't need words, for words were finite and what they felt was endless. But the beating of their hearts in tune drummed the sounds they meant with every slight touch, with every gentle kiss.

In the land of broken and despaired, Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy found the way to say _I love you_ without articulating any word.


End file.
